Post CHA blues....

I think I've recovered from CHA. It was an interesting experience, being "on my own". There were lots of people to see, I can't believe how many familiar faces there are now. I ordered like crazy, I hope it doesn't all try to ship at once! I think I spread it out ok....looks like BasicGrey might be first! Yay! Also saw a charge from MM.....also Melissa Frances and Urban Lily!

Lots of new stuff to get excited about...so why am I not so excited? I am on a downward trend, which seems to be the only time I post...just the uncertain and depressing times....I feel like I'm on a treadmill going nowhere fast (although I could use the exercise!) Will things ever change? Will it get better? Will I ever get my life under control?

One thing that has been great lately is friends. I am so blessed to have met so many amazing people thru this hobby (sorry Teresa, stealing your words a little bit) ...Teresa, Kim K., Kim G., Ally, Anna, Jessie, Kerry, all my staff, and of course Erika. My design team, which was falling apart, but now seems to be coming back together. Our amazing weekend at the cabin, CKU, and any Friday we can all get together and scrap and chat. I wish I could relax and enjoy myself more, not always thinking about projects, classes, etc. I need to spend more "friend" time with everyone.

One of my favorite phrases is "onward and upward". I think I originally saw it in "The Chronicles of Narnia" - great series of "kids" books that I still love. Onward and upward. I've got to keep plugging away. I've got to figure out what my next focus should be. Financial, of course, but do we add beading? Do we concentrate on communication with the customers? We need to give them a reason to come to the store. I'm going to spend some time "researching" at our store and others, to try to figure out what makes one store more desirable than another.

Okay, there I go again. Sometimes I wish the store would just go away, so my life could be "normal" again. But not just yet....

Sad and Lonely.....

I really miss my guys. They are in Iowa visiting Rick's parents. Usually I don't want to go, it's a slow-paced week, with the same events every time...the zoo, feed the geese, go to some train museum or something...but I am feeling very lonely and left out this time. Leaving for Chicago the day after they get back doesn't help.

Evan has become my best friend. I didn't realize it until he was gone. We do everything together. We bead together. We play Spongebob. We talk and laugh and have so many jokes that only we know. We have semi-adult conversations about everything in the world. I miss my baby. Lately he's really been extra cuddly, and says "I love you" all the time. He's even started kissing me again. Sweet little boy kisses.

I even miss Rick. It seems like we have bonded more during this last go-around with the store. We're in it together again. Plus, I finally realized how comfortable I am with our relationship. It's no longer daunting to think about being with the same person for the REST OF MY LIFE. I'm really looking forward to it. And he is such a sweetie sometimes. A bit of a pain sometimes too but look what he has to put up with. Our dreams have changed so much since 9/11. We were not so much happy as complacent in our respective jobs. We had (have) a nice house, a great kid, who has become such a joy to be around after our struggles with his depression and asthma. We had (definitely past tense) a retirement account building, and a prosperous future.

Then 9/11. The world changed. Nothing is the same. Our innocence is gone. We are no longer safe to live our lives in a cocoon of complacency. What we do as a country affects other people and we can't just ignore it.

I lost my job. A nice "early retirement" package, but that paid for the condo. Then this crazy idea about buying a scrapbook store. I had no idea what I was getting into! I don't want to go into all of that right now, just the other ways it changed our lives. Our house has never been the same. My laundry has only been caught up ONCE in about THREE YEARS. And no safety net. No more retirement. No more sources of credit to tap in an emergency. We've put everything into the store. And everytime we're about to give up, we get new hope. New ideas. A little more money. This time has to be the one. Or life will change again.