Mixed feelings

It doesn't seem true. I feel like I'm in a bubble, or numb. Is this really it? I was 90% certain we would be closing, probably before the end of the year. Then WHAM, the decision is taken out of my hands. I have felt every emotion: extreme grief, terror, sadness, regret and yes, even relief. I don't want the store to be gone. I just don't want to run it anymore.

Everyone has been so fantastic. No one seemed particularly surprised, at least on the staff. I guess it's been pretty obvious for a while that we're struggling.

So what if we raise the money I owe right away? Would I try to change anything? I don't honestly know. Is it too late to go back?

Evan is turning cartwheels. Not real ones, but mental and emotional ones. He is so relieved and happy, it makes me feel guilty that he has been so affected by all this. Not just the time I spent at the store, but the money problems, depression, and stress of the last year. Maybe I can be a more focused and happier Mommy now.

I just need to get through the next week with "class and grace". I actually had someone say that about me (Bek) and it really surprised me. It's what I'd like to be, and maybe on the surface I show this.

Above all, I WILL keep my sense of humor about this. No more staff meetings! Forget publishing the November calendar! No more payroll taxes! Or payroll! And just imaging the cool scrapbook area I will have at home! (now I just have to find a place for it :)

If you've watched "The Hitchhikers's Guide to the Galaxy", I mean REALLY watched it, there is a "really deleted scene" in the extras, where Arthur, Ford and Zaphod burst in, commando style. Let me paraphrase:

"We're Sisters, Scrappin' Sisters. DO PANIC! M***** ****{BLEEP}*****!"

Kinda sums it all up for me.