Sad and Lonely.....

I really miss my guys. They are in Iowa visiting Rick's parents. Usually I don't want to go, it's a slow-paced week, with the same events every time...the zoo, feed the geese, go to some train museum or something...but I am feeling very lonely and left out this time. Leaving for Chicago the day after they get back doesn't help.

Evan has become my best friend. I didn't realize it until he was gone. We do everything together. We bead together. We play Spongebob. We talk and laugh and have so many jokes that only we know. We have semi-adult conversations about everything in the world. I miss my baby. Lately he's really been extra cuddly, and says "I love you" all the time. He's even started kissing me again. Sweet little boy kisses.

I even miss Rick. It seems like we have bonded more during this last go-around with the store. We're in it together again. Plus, I finally realized how comfortable I am with our relationship. It's no longer daunting to think about being with the same person for the REST OF MY LIFE. I'm really looking forward to it. And he is such a sweetie sometimes. A bit of a pain sometimes too but look what he has to put up with. Our dreams have changed so much since 9/11. We were not so much happy as complacent in our respective jobs. We had (have) a nice house, a great kid, who has become such a joy to be around after our struggles with his depression and asthma. We had (definitely past tense) a retirement account building, and a prosperous future.

Then 9/11. The world changed. Nothing is the same. Our innocence is gone. We are no longer safe to live our lives in a cocoon of complacency. What we do as a country affects other people and we can't just ignore it.

I lost my job. A nice "early retirement" package, but that paid for the condo. Then this crazy idea about buying a scrapbook store. I had no idea what I was getting into! I don't want to go into all of that right now, just the other ways it changed our lives. Our house has never been the same. My laundry has only been caught up ONCE in about THREE YEARS. And no safety net. No more retirement. No more sources of credit to tap in an emergency. We've put everything into the store. And everytime we're about to give up, we get new hope. New ideas. A little more money. This time has to be the one. Or life will change again.