Mixed feelings

It doesn't seem true. I feel like I'm in a bubble, or numb. Is this really it? I was 90% certain we would be closing, probably before the end of the year. Then WHAM, the decision is taken out of my hands. I have felt every emotion: extreme grief, terror, sadness, regret and yes, even relief. I don't want the store to be gone. I just don't want to run it anymore.

Everyone has been so fantastic. No one seemed particularly surprised, at least on the staff. I guess it's been pretty obvious for a while that we're struggling.

So what if we raise the money I owe right away? Would I try to change anything? I don't honestly know. Is it too late to go back?

Evan is turning cartwheels. Not real ones, but mental and emotional ones. He is so relieved and happy, it makes me feel guilty that he has been so affected by all this. Not just the time I spent at the store, but the money problems, depression, and stress of the last year. Maybe I can be a more focused and happier Mommy now.

I just need to get through the next week with "class and grace". I actually had someone say that about me (Bek) and it really surprised me. It's what I'd like to be, and maybe on the surface I show this.

Above all, I WILL keep my sense of humor about this. No more staff meetings! Forget publishing the November calendar! No more payroll taxes! Or payroll! And just imaging the cool scrapbook area I will have at home! (now I just have to find a place for it :)

If you've watched "The Hitchhikers's Guide to the Galaxy", I mean REALLY watched it, there is a "really deleted scene" in the extras, where Arthur, Ford and Zaphod burst in, commando style. Let me paraphrase:

"We're Sisters, Scrappin' Sisters. DO PANIC! M***** ****{BLEEP}*****!"

Kinda sums it all up for me.

Goodbye Delilah

We had Delilah put to sleep on Saturday. I'm so glad she is at peace now.

Memory Trends was fun! It was a last minute decision to go, since Erika wanted to go and I had the room reservations....got to see lots of friends, Jessie, Leah, Teresa, even Tracy! I also Donna Downey at the Primedia event. I still need to send her that tag I made months ago!

LOVE the new BasicGrey and KI! Not a real surprise, since they are my favorite two lines! Also love the new Technique Tuesday stamp fonts...WOW! I dropped some major bucks there....and Erika is on their design team now, which is super cool! Also Jessie, Leah, Kim, Ally.....almost the whole "pen"! Also ordered some new Bazzill stuff, the die cut and chipboard flowers, the new color trios, the cool polka-dot brads, and the new software...picked up some of the American Crafts ribbon by the yard, too! Also put in a big order for All My Memories Tote-ally cute bags and new totes, but they are way behind on shipping right now. Lots of new bags out there, the new Making Memories line is sharp! Ordered the Junkitz Earth line, also Teresa's new Christmas papers, a bunch of new CK books, what else?

News flash: SEI is back! They have a cool new line called "twitterpated", which for the uninitiated is a word from Bambi...it's beautiful! It's not on their website yet.

I got to show Rachel at BasicGrey my new notebook decorated with Skate Shoppe...she loved it and asked me to show her newsletter editor, who asked me to submit it to the gallery...I also plan to make another one to send to Rachel. She is so nice! Here's a picture, check for it soon in the BasicGrey gallery!



I'm getting excited about starting an online store. Trying to decide which products to feature, what shopping cart to use....what additional features to add.

I think my quick jaunt to Memory Trends may have been the attitude adjustment I needed. Getting away for a few days, and seeing how other stores and companies are doing. It was not the normal frenzy, much more low key and low pressure. I spent much more time just chatting. It constantly amazes me how many people I recognize!

Here is a quick preview of BasicGrey and KI.....

What's in a Name......

Cool Web Site! Courtesy of Kim Kesti:

What's in a Name


Alana
Bright fair, beautiful child : Irish

Charming, witty, original and idealistic you have a creative and inventive mind with great intuition. Your broad vision, perceptive powers and compassion gives you an instinctive understanding of peoples needs. You are a natural leader who has a talent for inspiring and teaching others and always display fairness, honesty and integrity. You are always seeking a new challenge for your vast creative potential.

Hmmmm...May be pretty close....

Altaira

You are a visionary with courage and enthusiasm if a little hasty at times. Your ambitious nature can be satisfied when you apply wisdom, patience and self-discipline to your vitality and zest. You have wonderful way with words and may be drawn to the communications arena where there is the potential for great success. Your generous and warm nature attracts many friends and loved ones.

Wow!



Delilah Update:

Her biopsy results were not good. She has some type of cancerous growth, in a very difficult to operate place. Added to her old age, it would be cruel to operate on her. Radiation is a possibility, but won't necessarily work since the growth is already so large. Poor kitty was throwing up a lot last night. I don't know how long I can stand to put her through this. I've always believed in waiting until the last possible minute to put a pet to sleep, but it seems silly to prolong her misery when at the end of it the result is the same. If it were me....that's too hard to answer.

I'm really, really trying to be positive....

but it's just not working. I survived the taxes, spent a day and a half tracking down business expenses and saving us an extra $8000....but now my kitty, Delilah, is sick. I have to wait until 1pm to find out the results of her biopsy. She has a large lump on her jaw. She weighed 5 1/2 pounds before she was shaved. She is still eating, still moving around, but she gets sick often, and just doesn't seem quite right.

Here is a picture of Delilah during happier days:



Thank you everyone who has let me know, either here or verbally, that I'm not alone. I'm going through a bad time right now, I know things will get better. I have to keep trying, but sometimes I just want to crawl back in bed and hide. Don't mean to be a downer.......at least Evan is in school today, very stuffed up, still coughing, but with his new glasses. He has Cub scouts tonight which always makes him happy. I have a staff meeting to look forward to....I'm going to let the gals help me pick out some good holiday papers to order. Any suggestions?