Another Year....

This year...what can I say? It seems like we were hoping too hard that this year would be better, less financial problems, less health problems for Evan, get back on track, etc. But life threw us a major curve ball this year. (Not sure about the baseball analogy).

We lost our dear Dad in Febuary. One day he was fine, helping out with car shopping for Taira, going to work, getting ready to help with Evan's birthday party...then he seemed to have the flu, then he was in the emergency room. He had apparently suffered a stroke. He had surgery after the first stroke to remove the pressure on his brain stem, and never really recovered after that. Most of February was spent at the hospital, then the hospice, balancing between hope and despair. During all of this, I quit my job (a long story), and Evan left Hearn Academy. So now I'm home-schooling, mostly just to get us through until summer, and hopefully get Evan back in a new school in the fall. My persective on life has changed so much.

So another convention has come and gone. Another chance to catch up with the "girls". Lynzee is about to have a baby boy. Melissa just moved back to San Diego. Taira and I went to Mad Scrappers for NSD, and I created a "Road Trip" cigar box album that the owner wants me to teach in a class. I was really excited about it Saturday, but today I'm just blah. Blah, blah, blah. Lots of stuff I "should" be doing. Getting the house ready to sell (ha!) Working on getting Evan ready for school in the fall. Planning summer activities for him. Working on my new web site, "Scrap Getaway", which will offer monthly kits and scrap retreats. Trying to figure how to make some money. I suppose a therapist would say that I'm blocking my feelings right now, hence the "blah" feeling. I'm either too high or too low.

Back from Nowhere

Ok, so I quit the blogging thing. I was very busy starting my "new life", with all it's challenges. I've been working at IAC (Insurers Administration Corporation) since last April. It started out rough, got boring, now it's interesting. I also shanghaied Joni Parker into working here, too. She had the computer skills and was looking for a more permanent job. So we've been sitting next to each other ever since July...until today, when she got moved down the row. But we have a plan that involves two cans and a string.

I can't believe all the things that have happened in everyone's lives in the last year. Three of "my girls" got married: Lynzee, Brianna, and Dani. Two, no make that three, of my girls had babies: Christina, Melissa, and Kristel on Jan 1st. If it weren't for the weddings and baby showers I probably wouldn't have any idea what's going on with anyone from the store. I did get to see some of them when we had our crop last summer.

So now I am ready to plan the Circle Journal. I want to add a "where are they now" theme, we could each do 2 pages (or a double page spread) THEN..and NOW. THEN being our favorite memories about the store, how we met and got involved in each others lives, NOW being what we have done since the store closed. I hope everyone still wants to do this! I would like to do an 8x8 format. Everyone that wants to participate can build their own book. We will make enough pages for everyone that wants them.

I'm all signed up for the Mesa Convention in April, so is Taira and Joni. Mom will be out of town. :( We're doing our usual routine, going down Friday and spending the night. We are NOT going to the organized crop, though, the last two were SO LAME. Anyone care to pass a big "R" around again? Instead, Taira and I are hosting a "card swap". We are going to design and decorate our own card files, and make cards together. Each person will bring their card ideas, and the supplies to make them. If anyone wants to participate, let me know. We were going to sign up for the "official card swap" but decided to save ourselves the $32 and do what WE wanted to do.

Anyone want to meet at Sluggo's Friday night? Or Saturday Lunch?

Hugs and Kisses to all. I will be sending an email about the Circle Journal, since no one probably reads this blog anymore.....

CK Convention Chills and Thrills

I had tons of fun at the convention! The first day was some cool classes, then lots of fun at the Crop with Joni, Mom, and Taira. And who could forget Kim Kesti's "Sob contest"?

Saturday I had a hard time getting excited about more classes, but my first one was taught by Laurie Stamas (which is why I took it). Way cool book using Junkitz Salsa collection! The Scrap Daddy class was lame, unless you like lots of cutting. But the class kit was cool, so I skipped. Ran into Candy, Lynzee, Jori (JR), Christina and gang at Sluggo's (for my 3rd meal there). Had lots of fun catching up and making plans to GO CROP!

Our third class was where the "chills" came in. I took a phone call which lasted half the class (thanks to my dear sweet Evan). Since I had no chance of catching up, I started looking at the class kit. I noticed that the Vintage Hip letters packaging was like a giant tag. So I thought, hmmmm....great way to make a book! Taira got all excited about it, so we started working on it. Jodi from Making Memories was checking it out, and when we finished we showed it to Margie. Well, she freaked out! She totally embarrassed me showing it to the class! But then I got a free Idea Book, Decorate Life: Scrapbooks. She also gave us some more class kits. Then she posted our picture on the MM Blog:

Hangin' out with Making Memories

Too fun! Thanks Margie and Jodi!

Also got to catch up with my dear friend Erika, and talk to Leslie Miller from CK! And check out Becky H's cute little girl, who is seriously the most beautiful little baby I've ever seen.

Great weekend, great inspiration!

I love my sister!

Any of you who have had the gift of meeting my sister, Taira, you know what I'm talking about. She is so generous, loving, and fun. She helps me when I need it most. Okay, so maybe there's a little co-dependence going on....but it's hard to separate our lives. And I don't want to!

Here is a picture of Taira taken at a baseball game last summer. It was so Taira, the funky hair thing, the mardi gras beads, the big smile....

She is struggling, as I am, to go on with our lives. We poured our heart and soul into the store. It was ours together. And it hurts to see it gone. Did it really matter to anyone but us? I think it did. I want to do a scrapbook about the store, and how it touched other peoples lives. If you want to contribute, let me know. Maybe we'll do one of those books - like a circle journal (wow, almost couldn't remember the name of it anymore).

I got to see Candy, Lynzee, Brianna, Danielle, Christina, Jori, and Sue at Lynzee's wedding on the 18th. It was very bittersweet. I didn't realize how much I missed everyone, and how I was avoiding them to avoid the painful memories. Why can't I focus on the good ones? I cried all over Candy and Brianna, I miss them so much, and I have such mixed emotions when I see them. I feel like I let everyone down. Now I am tearing up again. Will I ever heal from this?

I wish I had pictures of the girls, they were all so beautiful. And Candy was radiant, there's no other word for it. And Lynzee, truly the beautiful, regal princess with her court of ladies. All the beautiful lavender and purple! And the bouquets were gorgeous, I wanted to take one home!

I danced with my husband for the first time in probably 10 years. And had a great time dancing with the girls to "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy". Funny how that song sticks with me, even though it's nasty ole' country music!

I have a real need to reconnect with everyone. I think it's part of getting on with my life. So if you're reading this, leave me a note. I miss you all, and think about you often.

Feeling Creative..a new look

I am really wanting to be creative and just play around with artsy stuff. So I redid the "look" of my blog. What do you think?

Note to Self....

Note to self...avoid taking career interest quizzes after you've resigned yourself to going back to work.....

Here is how I scored on a career interest quiz:

"Alana, based on your responses, your top career area is Fine Arts

Careers in this field often demand that you be a naturally creative person who possesses a unique perspective on the world, and ultimately you want to share that vision with others. Most likely, you have a deep and rich inner world that needs an outlet. Whether you're into music, drama, painting or another artistic field, you probably possess a heightened appreciation for experiencing the world on a sensory level."

Well, computer programming can be creative. sometimes.

No, I'm not dead....just hibernating

For those of you who check occasionally to see if I'm still alive and blogging, thanks. I know at least one person (bling) who checks back often enough that she could quote the date and title of my last entry....which was my birthday, less than a week after the store closed. She removed my link from her blog list in disgust, hopefully she'll give me another chance!

What have I been doing? Taking a lot of naps. Doing a lot of soul-searching. Practicing a lot of denial and procrastination. The only positive thing I've been doing is working out twice a week, thanks to my dear sister and Erika, and Clay. It's given me physical energy, at least, even though I haven't had the desire to accomplish anything.

I had so many plans during this "interlude". Clean the house top to bottom. Decorate, get crafty, get semi-domestic. Scrapbook more. Get organized. Catch up on my laundry!

What have I accomplished:

- Organized my "scrap studio", although there's still boxes and boxes of junk from the store to go through. But my personal stuff is *mostly* done.
- Unpacked many boxes from the store, with many more to go.
- Adopted a cute kitty named Emma.
- Cleaned the gerbil cage a few times.
- Signed up for a .NET class, worked on sporadically.
- Created and updated the online store. Ordered some new product. Filled some orders.
- Some scrapbooking, mostly at organized scrap get-togethers and retreats.
- Started crocheting. It's very slow and tedious.
- Volunteered to be "historian" for the Cub Scout Pack.

On the positive side, we did have a nice, relaxing Christmas. I can't remember ever being this relaxed. No pressures, no expectations, no retail store, no in-laws. And we *almost* have the decorations put away (they're in boxes, just not in the attic yet).

So, what now? I'm updating my resume, something that makes me sick to my stomach every time I think about it. I can't even explain how hard it is for me to go back to work. I'm not sure I completely understand myself. Is it feeling like a failure? Giving up my dream? My old anxieties and self-doubting? Fear of being able to stick to a schedule?

I will have to take it one day (or week) at a time. But time (and money) is something I've run out of. So no more procrastating and denial. This is the real world. I guess I'd better rejoin it.

Or I could take another nap.....