No, I'm not dead....just hibernating

For those of you who check occasionally to see if I'm still alive and blogging, thanks. I know at least one person (bling) who checks back often enough that she could quote the date and title of my last entry....which was my birthday, less than a week after the store closed. She removed my link from her blog list in disgust, hopefully she'll give me another chance!

What have I been doing? Taking a lot of naps. Doing a lot of soul-searching. Practicing a lot of denial and procrastination. The only positive thing I've been doing is working out twice a week, thanks to my dear sister and Erika, and Clay. It's given me physical energy, at least, even though I haven't had the desire to accomplish anything.

I had so many plans during this "interlude". Clean the house top to bottom. Decorate, get crafty, get semi-domestic. Scrapbook more. Get organized. Catch up on my laundry!

What have I accomplished:

- Organized my "scrap studio", although there's still boxes and boxes of junk from the store to go through. But my personal stuff is *mostly* done.
- Unpacked many boxes from the store, with many more to go.
- Adopted a cute kitty named Emma.
- Cleaned the gerbil cage a few times.
- Signed up for a .NET class, worked on sporadically.
- Created and updated the online store. Ordered some new product. Filled some orders.
- Some scrapbooking, mostly at organized scrap get-togethers and retreats.
- Started crocheting. It's very slow and tedious.
- Volunteered to be "historian" for the Cub Scout Pack.

On the positive side, we did have a nice, relaxing Christmas. I can't remember ever being this relaxed. No pressures, no expectations, no retail store, no in-laws. And we *almost* have the decorations put away (they're in boxes, just not in the attic yet).

So, what now? I'm updating my resume, something that makes me sick to my stomach every time I think about it. I can't even explain how hard it is for me to go back to work. I'm not sure I completely understand myself. Is it feeling like a failure? Giving up my dream? My old anxieties and self-doubting? Fear of being able to stick to a schedule?

I will have to take it one day (or week) at a time. But time (and money) is something I've run out of. So no more procrastating and denial. This is the real world. I guess I'd better rejoin it.

Or I could take another nap.....