Note to Self....

Note to self...avoid taking career interest quizzes after you've resigned yourself to going back to work.....

Here is how I scored on a career interest quiz:

"Alana, based on your responses, your top career area is Fine Arts

Careers in this field often demand that you be a naturally creative person who possesses a unique perspective on the world, and ultimately you want to share that vision with others. Most likely, you have a deep and rich inner world that needs an outlet. Whether you're into music, drama, painting or another artistic field, you probably possess a heightened appreciation for experiencing the world on a sensory level."

Well, computer programming can be creative. sometimes.

No, I'm not dead....just hibernating

For those of you who check occasionally to see if I'm still alive and blogging, thanks. I know at least one person (bling) who checks back often enough that she could quote the date and title of my last entry....which was my birthday, less than a week after the store closed. She removed my link from her blog list in disgust, hopefully she'll give me another chance!

What have I been doing? Taking a lot of naps. Doing a lot of soul-searching. Practicing a lot of denial and procrastination. The only positive thing I've been doing is working out twice a week, thanks to my dear sister and Erika, and Clay. It's given me physical energy, at least, even though I haven't had the desire to accomplish anything.

I had so many plans during this "interlude". Clean the house top to bottom. Decorate, get crafty, get semi-domestic. Scrapbook more. Get organized. Catch up on my laundry!

What have I accomplished:

- Organized my "scrap studio", although there's still boxes and boxes of junk from the store to go through. But my personal stuff is *mostly* done.
- Unpacked many boxes from the store, with many more to go.
- Adopted a cute kitty named Emma.
- Cleaned the gerbil cage a few times.
- Signed up for a .NET class, worked on sporadically.
- Created and updated the online store. Ordered some new product. Filled some orders.
- Some scrapbooking, mostly at organized scrap get-togethers and retreats.
- Started crocheting. It's very slow and tedious.
- Volunteered to be "historian" for the Cub Scout Pack.

On the positive side, we did have a nice, relaxing Christmas. I can't remember ever being this relaxed. No pressures, no expectations, no retail store, no in-laws. And we *almost* have the decorations put away (they're in boxes, just not in the attic yet).

So, what now? I'm updating my resume, something that makes me sick to my stomach every time I think about it. I can't even explain how hard it is for me to go back to work. I'm not sure I completely understand myself. Is it feeling like a failure? Giving up my dream? My old anxieties and self-doubting? Fear of being able to stick to a schedule?

I will have to take it one day (or week) at a time. But time (and money) is something I've run out of. So no more procrastating and denial. This is the real world. I guess I'd better rejoin it.

Or I could take another nap.....

Don't wanna be an American Idiot....and other random thoughts...

Wow. Who woulda thought I would like KARAOKE???!!!! I've made fun of it for years! But it's strangely addicting.

Here's a summary of our "show" last night at Gallagher's:

Taira - Mack the Knife
Alana - American Idiot
Both - Save a horse, ride a cowboy!
Both - Deadbeat Club
Taira - Last Dance

Too fun! I was really channeling Erika on the Big & Rich!

I haven't had a carefree evening like that since.....I can't even remember when. Shopping for a new outfit, hangin' out at Gallagher's with the gals (and Rick and Evan for awhile), playing trivia, which I WON thank you very much (ok, only one round, and there were only 3 or 4 people playing)...and bringing out my extroverted side a little. Like I told Taira on the way home, I could never have done the Karaoke if I still owned the store. I just couldn't relax that much, and especially not in front of my "employees"!

Got new KI Christmas and Winter lines, also Making Memories Simply Fabulous, which it is! Joni was my first customer, plus got a view of my messy house. Now I gotta clean up and organize it to show her in a few weeks!

Finishing up old store business, and starting on the online store. Evan is off today and yesterday, which of course is distracting. Plus we are supposed to go to the zoo for our annual birthday trip. Is it going to rain or not?

Missing Delilah today, she would have been 20. She almost made it. I miss her crawling on top of me and laying on my chest when I'm in bed. Also following me around the house.

Mixed feelings

It doesn't seem true. I feel like I'm in a bubble, or numb. Is this really it? I was 90% certain we would be closing, probably before the end of the year. Then WHAM, the decision is taken out of my hands. I have felt every emotion: extreme grief, terror, sadness, regret and yes, even relief. I don't want the store to be gone. I just don't want to run it anymore.

Everyone has been so fantastic. No one seemed particularly surprised, at least on the staff. I guess it's been pretty obvious for a while that we're struggling.

So what if we raise the money I owe right away? Would I try to change anything? I don't honestly know. Is it too late to go back?

Evan is turning cartwheels. Not real ones, but mental and emotional ones. He is so relieved and happy, it makes me feel guilty that he has been so affected by all this. Not just the time I spent at the store, but the money problems, depression, and stress of the last year. Maybe I can be a more focused and happier Mommy now.

I just need to get through the next week with "class and grace". I actually had someone say that about me (Bek) and it really surprised me. It's what I'd like to be, and maybe on the surface I show this.

Above all, I WILL keep my sense of humor about this. No more staff meetings! Forget publishing the November calendar! No more payroll taxes! Or payroll! And just imaging the cool scrapbook area I will have at home! (now I just have to find a place for it :)

If you've watched "The Hitchhikers's Guide to the Galaxy", I mean REALLY watched it, there is a "really deleted scene" in the extras, where Arthur, Ford and Zaphod burst in, commando style. Let me paraphrase:

"We're Sisters, Scrappin' Sisters. DO PANIC! M***** ****{BLEEP}*****!"

Kinda sums it all up for me.

Goodbye Delilah

We had Delilah put to sleep on Saturday. I'm so glad she is at peace now.

Memory Trends was fun! It was a last minute decision to go, since Erika wanted to go and I had the room reservations....got to see lots of friends, Jessie, Leah, Teresa, even Tracy! I also Donna Downey at the Primedia event. I still need to send her that tag I made months ago!

LOVE the new BasicGrey and KI! Not a real surprise, since they are my favorite two lines! Also love the new Technique Tuesday stamp fonts...WOW! I dropped some major bucks there....and Erika is on their design team now, which is super cool! Also Jessie, Leah, Kim, Ally.....almost the whole "pen"! Also ordered some new Bazzill stuff, the die cut and chipboard flowers, the new color trios, the cool polka-dot brads, and the new software...picked up some of the American Crafts ribbon by the yard, too! Also put in a big order for All My Memories Tote-ally cute bags and new totes, but they are way behind on shipping right now. Lots of new bags out there, the new Making Memories line is sharp! Ordered the Junkitz Earth line, also Teresa's new Christmas papers, a bunch of new CK books, what else?

News flash: SEI is back! They have a cool new line called "twitterpated", which for the uninitiated is a word from Bambi...it's beautiful! It's not on their website yet.

I got to show Rachel at BasicGrey my new notebook decorated with Skate Shoppe...she loved it and asked me to show her newsletter editor, who asked me to submit it to the gallery...I also plan to make another one to send to Rachel. She is so nice! Here's a picture, check for it soon in the BasicGrey gallery!



I'm getting excited about starting an online store. Trying to decide which products to feature, what shopping cart to use....what additional features to add.

I think my quick jaunt to Memory Trends may have been the attitude adjustment I needed. Getting away for a few days, and seeing how other stores and companies are doing. It was not the normal frenzy, much more low key and low pressure. I spent much more time just chatting. It constantly amazes me how many people I recognize!

Here is a quick preview of BasicGrey and KI.....

What's in a Name......

Cool Web Site! Courtesy of Kim Kesti:

What's in a Name


Alana
Bright fair, beautiful child : Irish

Charming, witty, original and idealistic you have a creative and inventive mind with great intuition. Your broad vision, perceptive powers and compassion gives you an instinctive understanding of peoples needs. You are a natural leader who has a talent for inspiring and teaching others and always display fairness, honesty and integrity. You are always seeking a new challenge for your vast creative potential.

Hmmmm...May be pretty close....

Altaira

You are a visionary with courage and enthusiasm if a little hasty at times. Your ambitious nature can be satisfied when you apply wisdom, patience and self-discipline to your vitality and zest. You have wonderful way with words and may be drawn to the communications arena where there is the potential for great success. Your generous and warm nature attracts many friends and loved ones.

Wow!



Delilah Update:

Her biopsy results were not good. She has some type of cancerous growth, in a very difficult to operate place. Added to her old age, it would be cruel to operate on her. Radiation is a possibility, but won't necessarily work since the growth is already so large. Poor kitty was throwing up a lot last night. I don't know how long I can stand to put her through this. I've always believed in waiting until the last possible minute to put a pet to sleep, but it seems silly to prolong her misery when at the end of it the result is the same. If it were me....that's too hard to answer.

I'm really, really trying to be positive....

but it's just not working. I survived the taxes, spent a day and a half tracking down business expenses and saving us an extra $8000....but now my kitty, Delilah, is sick. I have to wait until 1pm to find out the results of her biopsy. She has a large lump on her jaw. She weighed 5 1/2 pounds before she was shaved. She is still eating, still moving around, but she gets sick often, and just doesn't seem quite right.

Here is a picture of Delilah during happier days:



Thank you everyone who has let me know, either here or verbally, that I'm not alone. I'm going through a bad time right now, I know things will get better. I have to keep trying, but sometimes I just want to crawl back in bed and hide. Don't mean to be a downer.......at least Evan is in school today, very stuffed up, still coughing, but with his new glasses. He has Cub scouts tonight which always makes him happy. I have a staff meeting to look forward to....I'm going to let the gals help me pick out some good holiday papers to order. Any suggestions?

Taxes, Taxes, Taxes.......

I hate taxes. I guess everyone does. But I never knew until I owned a business how complicated taxes can be. Sales Tax, State and City. Employee Taxes: Unemployment, Social Security, FICA, whatever....cleverly disguised as numbers: 940 and 941. Not to mention the AZ Quarterly withholding (which is NOT income tax, so I don't know what it's for)...and then there's the annual corporate taxes, and everyone's favorite personal Income Tax. And the other quarterly taxes, that you're supposed to be reporting if you're self-employed, but that my accountant didn't seem to think I needed, and now I obviously do....good thing I haven't paid myself anything this year! Ok, there was that one time I paid myself $500 dollars...but spread out over the year, that works out to less than $50 per month!

I'm up to my eyeballs in tax forms right now. Which is why I'm blogging, not working. :( I have to redo our 2004 coporate taxes to include all of our business expenses that were missed the first time. Then that affects our personal taxes, which also have to be redone. Hopefully the result of all this is paying less taxes, as long as I can find all the documentation I'm looking for....

I feel like I've been in a bubble for the last few years....cut off from reality and normal life. My reality has been the store. And Evan. Other things try to pierce the bubble from time to time, but don't make much of a dent. Now the bubble is thinning (ok, weird analogy, but I'm going to go with it) and I can see my life more clearly now, and what the last 3 1/2 years have brought me...the sacrifices, personal and financial that I've made for the store. It's really a beautiful store, almost where I dreamed it would be. But at the end of this long road (new analogy) is it really worth it? What do I have to show for it? Certainly not money, I'm still struggling to balance between the rent, payroll, new inventory, advertising....will I become another in a long line of stores that will close? Photographic Memories, Remember When, Scraps 'n Stamps, A Scrapper's Dream, now Memory Basket. Not to mention (ok, I will) Craft Mart, and all the smaller stores that closed that no one really noticed....Scrappy Cat Alley, Just Scrap It, Desert Scrappers, Memories Well Planned....also some of the stamp stores, including Artisan Stamps, just down the road. And this is only "my part" of Phoenix, doesn't even touch Tempe, Mesa, or Chandler.

What can I say?

Warning: Long and Moody Post

So...I haven't been motivated to post anything lately. My mood seems to jump around so much lately (or always). My focus is gone, and I'm not sure where I'm going anymore.

I told Rick (DH) the other day that the two reasons I still want to keep the store are:

1) Pride
2) Need someplace for me and my friends to scrap

I think I can cross #1 off the list. I don't really care what anyone thinks if we decide to close, I just have to do what's right for us. But ask me in an hour, and I'll be rarin' to go again!

Reasons to not keep the store:

1) Get my life back! Focus on something else!
2) Spend more time at home, with Evan.
3) Start using our money for something else, like retirement
4) Maybe find a real job? Contribute to the household income?
5) Catch up on laundry, really CLEAN the house.

See, this is why I don't post very often. Too many dark thoughts.

If you're reading this, and don't know me very well, let me just warn you that I'm a "bit" moody. I am also totally burned out on the scrapbook store. But I still want to make it work! I'm just tired of every thought, conversation, vacation, everything, being about the store. It's like it's become an entity unto itself! It's much bigger than I am. It exists without me. It is a sum of all the people who care or are involved in it....the employees, the design team, the great customers, the reps, and of course my family. I have met so many incredible people thru it, and seen so many people become friends. It's so meaningful and gratifying when it works well. But there are always the times it slows down, or some financial crisis rears its' ugly head, or I'm exhausted from all the time I spend on a particular project/event, stuff gets stolen, employee issues, the toilet breaks, yadda, yadda, yadda....

On the bright side, it was nice to see friends this weekend at the convention. Jessie and Leah especially. I would post a picture of Jessie & I but I don't know where my camera is, probably at the store. I can't believe that no one was taking pictures Saturday night! My mental snapshots: the broken toilet, the broken table, the champagne bottle, Ally painting her drawers, Jessie dumping Leah's bag, Gillian dropping her stamp, crowded around the TV watching the Tracy's Pen rap video...what a dork I was! Reliving the "pen" days and looking through photos...sigh....the glory days. When you have an amazing weekend/experience like CKU-M, it makes everything else seem mundane. You can try to recapture the experience, but it's never the same.

Okay, now for some POSITIVE THINKING! I was looking through the latest issue of Scrapbook Retailer...really the best trade magazine out there! I saw so many ideas I want to implement in the store...even the cover is an inspiration, with the beautiful ribbons in rich jewel tones....

THE LIST:

1) Organization class - we already had this idea, "Store It!" More tips in here!
2) New gift cards
3) Open House with gift wrap and tag ideas
4) Calendar class
5) Making decisions using numbers instead of emotion
6) Focusing on our "brand"
7) More personalizing in the store
8) Cultivating new customers through non-traditional advertising methods
9) A recipe book - Deanna already has this covered!
10) Lots more holiday ideas

And of course, THE SURVEY. I've got to get that done!

I'm starting to see some new stuff and previews for Memory Trends. I wonder if anything will rock the scrapbook world? Or are we too jaded for that?

Just keep swimming...just keep swimming...

We got a sales table at the convention crop!

I don't know if I'm excited or panicked! We got the sales table we wanted at the Friday night convention crop! Now to decide what to carry.....need to find out if there are products that are already being carried.....I would love to carry Scrapworks, but they may already be spoken for....any ideas? Anyone? Anyone? I know we can't get Basicgrey in time.... :(

I'm thinking Arctic Frog, Urban Lily, KI?

Happy Birthday Kim!

September Update....

So far I'm surviving September. I made it through the Sept 1st presentation, which was great, and they donated money in our name to the Katrina relief fund! Also made it through the End of Summer Scrap (well, I did leave early). Then we got it into our heads to move some stuff around Sunday. We'd been kicking the idea around for at least 6 months, to organize the store into better "zones": Basics, By Theme, By Line. We finally came up with a plan we liked. It looks amazing, even though the changes are somewhat subtle. When Rick finishes the rack he's working on, we can get rid of the white slatwall thing! Then maybe we can tackle the wire paper racks.

I can't wait to talk to Ally and Kim about their trip and Good Karma...so excited!

This Saturday is Ready, Set, Scrap. I don't know if we'll have a lot of people, it used to be a standing room only class. I think we need to promote it/explain it better.

I'm so excited for the AZ convention! Especially to see "old" friends, and the other gals in the "pen". Here is my schedule:

BasicGrey Mini Book (Friday, September 16) 9:50 am - 10:50 am
Sponsored by: embellish IT!


About Life (Friday, September 16) 12:30 pm - 1:30 pm
Sponsored by: Making Memories
Teacher's Assistant Seat

Bookin' With Bazzill (Friday, September 16) 1:50 pm - 2:50 pm
Sponsored by: embellish IT!


Got Flowers? (Friday, September 16) 4:30 pm - 5:30 pm
Sponsored by: Prima Marketing


Fun-Filled Friday Night Crop With Scrapworks
(Friday, September 16) 7:00 pm - 11:30 pm


A Day in the Life...Scrapworks Mini Album
(Saturday, September 17) 11:10 am - 12:10 pm


BasicGrey Altered Book With K&Company
(Saturday, September 17) 1:50 pm - 2:50 pm
Sponsored by: K&Company


"These Are Days" File Folder Book
(Saturday, September 17) 3:20 pm - 4:50 pm
Sponsored by: Rusty Pickle
Teacher's Assistant Seat


Taira and I may switch the Basic Grey Altered Book class with her Michael Miller Frame class TA spot...

Then the Saturday Night Crop...Yay!

Warning: Crazy September ahead...

I can't believe it's already September! I have a crazy schedule of stuff coming up for the store:

Sept 1st (TONIGHT): Present to 60 ladies at a church group. Do a make 'n' take 12x12 page (which is beautiful, thanks to my talented sister!)

Sept 2nd (friday): usual Friday Madness

Sept 3rd (Saturday): End of Summer Scrap! AARRGGHH! I need to order the food today! Buy the decorations! Plan the projects and giveaways! Find some music!

Sept 10th (Saturday): Ready, Set, Scrap - need to design the sketch book (which I'm looking forward to!) Also order/plan what type of organizers to include and sell.

Sept 14th (Wed): Scrapworks mini class/make 'n take! This should be fun! Do I need to order additional stuff??? So thrilled they asked us!

Sept 15th (Thurs) Rusty Pickle class - need to talk to Lance!!

Sept 16th (Fri): AZ CONVENTION - need to plan promotional/giveaway ops. already ordered shirts, thank goodness! and some cute totes!

Sept 17th (Sat): AZ CONVENTION, TRACY'S PEN private scrap

Sept 24th (Sat): Alter it! Need to make the folder again since some LAME-O stole it!

Then I get a rest to catch up and plan for Memory Trends, leaving Oct 6th, coming back Oct. 12th. It will be a blast! Evan gets to visit LV over the weekend, I can't wait to take him to the M&M Store!

WHEW!

Of course, somewhere in there I have to prepare my Corporate Taxes (need to get info to Al the accountant in next few days), prepare for xxx meeting (don't ask!!), get inventory cleaned up before sept 15th (HAH!) at least good enough for a guess-timate, and do a circle journal page. Also wanted to start that tag book for the store!

Oh yeah, and keep the store running, order new stuff, pay the bills, spend time with Evan and that guy I married, do laundry, clean the house (HAH!), take Delilah, my elderly cat to the Vet...hmmm, it may be time for a nap!

At least it's not boring......

I can't get excited about anything today

I need a jump start. Should have gone to work out with Erika. Instead, I did my usual routine, and drove thru Mickey D's for a sausage egg biscuit and diet coke. At least Evan (DS) is at school today. He refuses to blow his nose, he's all stuffed up from his allergies.

I need to get my oil changed. How boring. I haven't ever gone to one of those Jiffy Lube places. DH says I need to go to Valvoline and get the special oil for old cars. Whatever. Why can't he just take care of it for me? Why do I hate automotive type places? The smell of grease, oil, tires (YUCK!) Definitely a man's world.

Just reread the last paragraph. I'm talking about my car, by the way. Although I could use an oil change or whatever the equivalent is for my brain!

I feel overwhelmed by everything in my life, I can't seem to get anything organized or under control. The house, the store, my health....I need a vacation, a different perspective on my life. I wish I could go back to the cabin retreat we had in Flagstaff (minus the dogs!) Cooler air, relaxed atmosphere, lots of cool gals, and creative energy flowing.

I AM excited about a project some of my friends are working on. I wish I could be more involved in it, I'm not sure how...just continue to mention ideas, inspirations, and maybe a little business advice. And support it like crazy!

Ok, maybe I'll make a plan for today:

1) Oil changed (in car)
2) Duh.......

let's try that again...

2) Work on inventory
3) Stock Bazzill
4) Brainstorm new customer rewards program
5) Scrappin' Sisters blog...this I can get excited about! I want to post every day what products have come in, what's going on....I think there are some customers out there who would really enjoy it! I can put a link on the web site!

Ok, now I have a plan. Now I just need to implement it. Oh yeah, and add

0) Shower and get ready!

If you made it through this very boring entry, thank you for sticking with me. :)

Is anyone out there?

Just added site statistics to my blog. I'm not sure why. I'm just curious how many people are finding it. I added my blog to the 2 Peas Blog ring today, too. I guess I want to be included in the "community of bloggers" that seems to exist.

LOVE Donna Downey's suggestion of a "Blog Book". I think I will create/ask for a Scrappin' Sisters "Family" Book, ask all the design team, employees, and good customers to create a tag to include. Here's the info needed (borrowed from Donna D.):

1) create a tag...simply make sure your tag has a hole at the top for binding
design/embellish your tag as you wish - any color, any style, any size..be as creative as you wish
2) include any information/photos on your tag that will help me capture your piece in my blog story.
3) include your name on the tag somewhere

I like this way better than the ATC (Artist Trading Cards). We can display it at the store, see it grow over time. How cool!

Okay, Melissa, Kim, Ally, or anyone else who actually reads my blog...you're officially selected to create the first tags! I guess I should create a "cover" tag, too!

This, along with my "Tracy's Pen" assignment, should actually get me scrapbooking a little bit! Whoo-Hoo!

Who am I?

Found this quiz on Blogthings, thru Katherine Brooks' blog. Here's me....

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important. You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection. You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Here's another one:

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You are always tactful and diplomatic. You let people down gently. You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

One more, I was quite disappointed not to be genius in all categories!

Your IQ Is 115

Your Logical Intelligence is Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius Your General Knowledge is Above Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Wait a minute:

Your IQ Is 140

Your Logical Intelligence is Genius Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius Your General Knowledge is Genius

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

That's better! I'm stubborn if nothing else, and quite vain about being smart.

Arizona Chain Reaction

Yes! There are people out there who are fighting the chains!

Found this reference in a blog (using Marc Cuban's search engine) to Recollections and Scrapbook Stores. Just happened to be in Phoenix.

This lead me to an article in the AZ Rep about chain stores, and an organization, AZCR (Arizona Chain Reaction). I need to find out more about this. I like the "think independently, buy locally" motto. I'm not saying I never shop at chains. But I think we should be educated in our choices. What other choices are available? It's easier to go to a chain, they're very visible.

In my case, it may mean shopping at Bashas, a locally owned grocery store, instead of the others. I shop at Target instead of WalMart. Yes, Target is a chain, but WalMart seems to be taking over the world! Also, I like the quieter atmosphere at Target. WalMart seems like a feeding frenzy.

Some "chains" are locally owned businesses, or franchises. Although not all the purchases made by these companies - for signage, construction, etc. - may not be local choices, some of them have to be. And I support anyone who is trying to make it by owning their own business. We're a dying breed. Possibly crazy. But we believe in something. Working for yourself. Making it on your own. We're closer to our customers, more in tune with their everyday lives.

This one especially got me:

"Blighted empty shopping areas are created in your community when chain stores re-locate to a more lucrative shopping center, or leave altogether. Literally hundreds of big stores are abandoned each year across the United States."

I'm so tired of seing the abandoned shopping centers! Who decides that Albertson's needs to move 2 miles west, and leaves the other shopping center tenants to die? I was looking at Memory Basket's website. The store directions say they are just behind Popular sporting goods. Guess who has closed? Once a thriving mall, the back part of the mall is now a ghost town.

I could go on about this forever.

I would love to hear anyones comments on this, especially as it related to the Scrapbook industry.

Blog Surfing

I'm sure there's another phrase for this already....starting with one blog, surfing through to the next..until you're not sure how you got there...

Tonight I started with Lindsay Teague, and managed to work my way thru to Bruce Willis!

An interesting journey...

Stayed in bed almost all day, everytime I tried to get up, I almost fell over. SEVERE dizziness. Finally found my anti-dizziness medicine, which didn't help much, then found some great decongestants, which have helped a lot. Unfortunately, I slept most of the day, so now it's after midnight and I'm wide awake.

Found a cool site for beads, Artbeads.com. Bad idea to visit, unless you want to spend, spend spend!

Nothing else to say...hopefully tomorrow (today) will be better, I can get some stuff done!

I just have to vent......SH*T SH*T SH*T!

I am having so many problems getting in the stuff I need for the Designer's Workshop we are having this Saturday!

First it was the albums. We wanted to use the 8x8 preservation series albums from SEI, just like they did at CKU. Well, guess what?! They are "recalled" because the metal bindings are rusting!
Okay, backup plan: construct our own albums out of 8x8 page protectors (thanks Erika!)

Second, it was the KI paper. Every paper is available except the one I need for MY page. Backup plan: redo the page using the "I'll love you forever" paper. (also had to redo the stripe on the front of the album, which used the same paper)

Third, now the stupid Making Memories antique white label holders are not being shipped. AAARRRGGGHH! Yet another design change!

Somehow this will all come together and be fine! Why do I have these crazy ideas anyway?!! OH yeah, I remember, I'm trying to keep my stupid store going!

Okay, end of vent.

The good news is that school started today, and after 2 1/2 weeks of Mommy time, I can now go to the store unencumbered, no "When can we go home, Mommy?", no "Do you have to go to the store today? Why? You just went yesterday. Do you have to stay very long?" Ah the perils of trying to be a store owner and a good mom at the same time!

Post CHA blues....

I think I've recovered from CHA. It was an interesting experience, being "on my own". There were lots of people to see, I can't believe how many familiar faces there are now. I ordered like crazy, I hope it doesn't all try to ship at once! I think I spread it out ok....looks like BasicGrey might be first! Yay! Also saw a charge from MM.....also Melissa Frances and Urban Lily!

Lots of new stuff to get excited about...so why am I not so excited? I am on a downward trend, which seems to be the only time I post...just the uncertain and depressing times....I feel like I'm on a treadmill going nowhere fast (although I could use the exercise!) Will things ever change? Will it get better? Will I ever get my life under control?

One thing that has been great lately is friends. I am so blessed to have met so many amazing people thru this hobby (sorry Teresa, stealing your words a little bit) ...Teresa, Kim K., Kim G., Ally, Anna, Jessie, Kerry, all my staff, and of course Erika. My design team, which was falling apart, but now seems to be coming back together. Our amazing weekend at the cabin, CKU, and any Friday we can all get together and scrap and chat. I wish I could relax and enjoy myself more, not always thinking about projects, classes, etc. I need to spend more "friend" time with everyone.

One of my favorite phrases is "onward and upward". I think I originally saw it in "The Chronicles of Narnia" - great series of "kids" books that I still love. Onward and upward. I've got to keep plugging away. I've got to figure out what my next focus should be. Financial, of course, but do we add beading? Do we concentrate on communication with the customers? We need to give them a reason to come to the store. I'm going to spend some time "researching" at our store and others, to try to figure out what makes one store more desirable than another.

Okay, there I go again. Sometimes I wish the store would just go away, so my life could be "normal" again. But not just yet....

Sad and Lonely.....

I really miss my guys. They are in Iowa visiting Rick's parents. Usually I don't want to go, it's a slow-paced week, with the same events every time...the zoo, feed the geese, go to some train museum or something...but I am feeling very lonely and left out this time. Leaving for Chicago the day after they get back doesn't help.

Evan has become my best friend. I didn't realize it until he was gone. We do everything together. We bead together. We play Spongebob. We talk and laugh and have so many jokes that only we know. We have semi-adult conversations about everything in the world. I miss my baby. Lately he's really been extra cuddly, and says "I love you" all the time. He's even started kissing me again. Sweet little boy kisses.

I even miss Rick. It seems like we have bonded more during this last go-around with the store. We're in it together again. Plus, I finally realized how comfortable I am with our relationship. It's no longer daunting to think about being with the same person for the REST OF MY LIFE. I'm really looking forward to it. And he is such a sweetie sometimes. A bit of a pain sometimes too but look what he has to put up with. Our dreams have changed so much since 9/11. We were not so much happy as complacent in our respective jobs. We had (have) a nice house, a great kid, who has become such a joy to be around after our struggles with his depression and asthma. We had (definitely past tense) a retirement account building, and a prosperous future.

Then 9/11. The world changed. Nothing is the same. Our innocence is gone. We are no longer safe to live our lives in a cocoon of complacency. What we do as a country affects other people and we can't just ignore it.

I lost my job. A nice "early retirement" package, but that paid for the condo. Then this crazy idea about buying a scrapbook store. I had no idea what I was getting into! I don't want to go into all of that right now, just the other ways it changed our lives. Our house has never been the same. My laundry has only been caught up ONCE in about THREE YEARS. And no safety net. No more retirement. No more sources of credit to tap in an emergency. We've put everything into the store. And everytime we're about to give up, we get new hope. New ideas. A little more money. This time has to be the one. Or life will change again.